the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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