I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
