I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
only you would photoshop your dick
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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