You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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