Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
