My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize