I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
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hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This is my gift to your gina
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder