I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize