did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard