she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.