Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My underwear smells like fireworks.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
where are you?
Hypothermia
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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