dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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