Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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