Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
