I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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