I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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