Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
