remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
3 2 1 whiskey
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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