I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
a search helicopter?!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
