For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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