Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
