U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
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beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
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My dad just said "fuck circus"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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