I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
