Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
