Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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