i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think your dad took our porno
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
