Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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