Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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