She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
