how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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