My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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