i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
