I love black thongs
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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