I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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