do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
