Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
