You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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