a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
