Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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