the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
