also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
