I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
my poor anus
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
