remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
