Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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