just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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