Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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