You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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