Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
