so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
