I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
