Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
