Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
