I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
