I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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