I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
