i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
