I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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