If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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