I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
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if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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