Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
