Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
