there's paper in my vomit.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
false alarm. still invincible.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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