My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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