I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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