You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
